When my daughter was 2, she pried the left Ctrl button off my laptop. We kept the button in its place, but it just sat on top uselessly and would fall out easily. A year ago I finally removed the button, and set it on my shelf, somewhat in pride of place by “Mom” crafts she’s made in school. I love passing by a daily reminder that I have no control.
This blog became “Manageable Mess” with the tag line, “control is an illusion.” Feel free to read in there a lesson I had to learn early and the hard way. The doctor who delivered both of my children actually told me in a follow-up appointment, “If you ever want to feel like you’ve lost control, have kids.”
He said of himself and his team of nurses, “It may look like I’m in control here. It may appear that I’m running all of it, but I’m merely a manager.”
Some things said at the just right moment by the just right person are never forgotten.
So I love this small Ctrl button as a daily reminder, that I’m merely a manager.
I merely manage the appointments and assignments on my calendar. I cannot control that December is quickly approaching with its stack of events to plan or attend or serve in, while needing space to celebrate in a way as to let the Truth of Christmas be felt by myself and especially my kids. I have to take December one day at a time, which is how it comes, and help make sure there’s days of nothing so we have time to tell the story.
I have to manage my work schedule as a substitute teacher/para and a work-from-home-part-time administrative assistant. I’m on-call on a daily basis. (There’s a lot of hyphens and slashes in my titles. This often makes me feel like I have a /- kind of brain.) I cannot control when I’m needed, but I can manage when I answer “Yes, I can do that now,” or, “I’m sorry, I can’t.”
I cannot control the world around me nor can I control how you feel about it, but I can pray. He can manage all of it.
The mess is manageable by making as many wise decisions as I’m able, and treating others the way I want to be treated.
I sometimes wonder if my daughter chose that particular keyboard key because she saw me reaching for it so often.
PS – When I started to blog I had to first name my blog. My first several choices were taken. Fitting, really.
manageable mess 